it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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