She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
