There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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