he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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