I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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