Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
