Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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