Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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