remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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