i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
