Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
