The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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