I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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