I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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