I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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