Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did

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  (908): im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did http://tfl.nu/z5v0
  Replies (13) Good night (692) Bad night (5047)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

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  (970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. http://tfl.nu/lren
  Replies (67) Good night (20197) Bad night (1214)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?

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  (541): Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl? http://tfl.nu/31z4
  Replies (5) Good night (2032) Bad night (948)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.

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  (513): Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that. http://tfl.nu/9urh
  Replies (1) Good night (1634) Bad night (748)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding

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  (541): Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding http://tfl.nu/9api
  Replies (3) Good night (665) Bad night (1448)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Whatever you gave me is making me lactate

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  (918): Whatever you gave me is making me lactate http://tfl.nu/rku9
  Replies (8) Good night (831) Bad night (2875)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.

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  (309): Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back. http://tfl.nu/c0o1
  Replies (4) Good night (1166) Bad night (508)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex

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  (703): Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex http://tfl.nu/1fn0
  Replies (7) Good night (584) Bad night (881)
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  (209): View more from California

  We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.

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  (209): We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela. http://tfl.nu/h3z9
  Replies (3) Good night (891) Bad night (394)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"

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  (843): That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion" http://tfl.nu/omtf
  Replies (9) Good night (448) Bad night (888)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.

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  (936): Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA. http://tfl.nu/7tz2
  Replies (4) Good night (652) Bad night (377)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.

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  (256): It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration. http://tfl.nu/toyt
  Replies (0) Good night (893) Bad night (280)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.

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  (405): Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky. http://tfl.nu/1s85
  Replies (4) Good night (1105) Bad night (329)
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  (661): View more from California

  Are you okay?

  (1-661): View more from California

  I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!

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  (661): Are you okay? (1-661): I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay! http://tfl.nu/70id
  Replies (1) Good night (365) Bad night (454)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?

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  (347): Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride? http://tfl.nu/ahd3
  Replies (3) Good night (285) Bad night (365)

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