Well apparently he's into motor boating.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
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I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
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What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects