So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell