Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
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she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.