When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
