I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
