do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
