We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
