Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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