this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
