in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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