would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
