You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish i was in the wii world.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
