worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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