she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
