i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
