remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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