Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
