Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
