piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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