i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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