A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
