Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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