you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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