I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
