Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
