I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
