Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Houston, we have a blender
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
