so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
