I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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