your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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