what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize