I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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