Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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