I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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