what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
