Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
