hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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