im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
