Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
