Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
