there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
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She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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