Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sobbing to NWA
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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