You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
