you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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