I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize