so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
