I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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