Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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