Porn is love you can see.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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