I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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