Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
