Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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