when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's official drugs can't kill me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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