well I can't set my house on fire every night
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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