Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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