Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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