We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
