Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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