I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
