Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
