Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.