She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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