I accidentally burped into my bong.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot