I am puke
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say