I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.