I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
