You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
