sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm always down for nudity.
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