Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
