sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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