Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
